#casey x jess

[jerzwriter]

Happy Pride! 🌈

If y'all haven't been to the Pride Parade or the Dyke March in Philly, you haven't really lived. Both are amazing events! So there was no way my Philly native MC, Casey, was going to miss out on them. Especially during her Med School years in her hometown.

I was so excited to get my first Casey x Jessica commission from @/artbyainna, and (as is usually the case with Ainna) it exceeded all expectations! It's so beautiful and brought back so many good memories for me! I'm still squealing!

I have some fics for them coming up later this week, but I was just entirely too excited to put off sharing this! Happy Pride 🌈

Book: Open Heart (pre-series)

Pairing: Casey x Jess (F!MC x F!OC)

Casey x Jess Masterlist

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanart

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Renee Rapp Edits ✤ Casey Boone x Jess Mariano

Everything To Everyone ✤ In The Kitchen: Strangers to lovers to enemies

Tag List: @airwolf92 – want to be added?

[squadmuse]

Love this episode just for this 🥰

[userlaylivia]

I'm not including steroline because in my mind they are endgame same with jax/tara and merder because whenever meredith dies she'll be with derek!! I didn't include barchie or bhva because all were endgame imo and didn't include klamille or klayley or haylijah because I ship all three and didn't want competing ships lol and spuffy was endgame in the comic books lol in my mind karamel is endgame because she can go where he is anytime but I included them anyway lol and handon is endgame in my mind as well because they would've been!! I included brylan because even though I consider them endgame because they were supposed to be and now luke/shannen are gone I consider them to be but I needed to fill a space lol

@makeyouminemp3, @nikkiruncks, @bellamyblake, @okmcintyre, @stydixa

[chenfordsbee]

brettsey + Molly’s

[a-flappy-bat]

I filled a whole sketchbook page with terrible Alan Wake/ Control quick studies!

[userkatz]

[babyboyxandy]

Happy Birthday Jesse Spencer! I hope your special day is as amazing as you are! Love you and miss you!

[toppersjeep]

Chapter 12- I Miss You

The One -[Jay Halstead X Matt Casey]

link to master list with previous chapters

Elle’s POV

“So have you spoken to Jay” Stella asked. “Why would I” I said. “I mean maybe he’s sorry” Stella said. “Elena we have a call at the police headquarters ” Kelly said. “The police headquarters” I asked. “Yeah something about a bomb threat they need our expertise” Kelly said. “Alright” I said. “We can take my car” Kelly said.

“So just us” I said. “Yeah we are the only two who actually took the courses” Kelly said. “This should be fun” I said. We drove to the police headquarters and then went up to some meeting room. As soon as we turned the corner I saw my Dad. So I knew Jay would be there too. “Great” I said.

“Look put whatever you have aside okay we aren’t doing drama” Kelly said. “Copy that” I said. We walked in through the doors. “Ah there they are some of the city’s finest firefighters” Dad said. “Nice to meet you” the director said. “This is my daughter Elena Voight and her boss Kelly Severide” Dad said.

“Your daughter wow she grew up” the man said. “That she did” he said I smiled. “So what do you need our help with” Kelly asked. “Well we found a bomb earlier today and we think they are planning more attacks” he said.

“We do know what they already did one earlier today at a festival” Jay added. “Was anyone else hurt” I said looking at my dad. “We do have a missing police officer” Kim said. “He was working detail with Kim and disappeared” Adam said. “Maybe he’s a part of this” I said.

“No I know him he’d never do this” Kim said. “Sometimes people aren’t as them seem” I said looking at Jay. “So why do you need us” Kelly said. “Your experts in this stuff tell us what’s in it and how it was made” the director added. “Maybe we can figure out how to stop the next one” he said.

“Well one of them can work on it we do need backup” Adam said. “I’ll stay Elena” Kelly said. “Kelly” I said. “No you’ve got a better handle on the police thing so” Kelly said. “Elena go with Halstead” Dad said. “Dad” I said. “No complaints go” Dad said.

We then walked downstairs to the parking garage. Of course I had to be stuck with him.

“Come on”Jay said. “For the record I hate this idea” I said walking in front of him. “Elena I’ve told you I’m sorry multiple times” Jay said. “I don’t wanna hear this” I said getting into the passenger seat of his car.

(Crystal Reed as Elena Voight)

“You know your one of the most stubborn people I know” Jay said. “Just drive Jay” I said. “I’m just saying you are” he said stopping at a red light. “God why do I get roped into these things” I said. “Elle did you ever stop and think it’s because your good at what you do” Jay said.

“Jay” I said softly. “You are Elena you made Squad despite everyone at the academy telling you aren’t good enough” Jay said stopping the car. “Your an amazing firefighter Elena you’ve saved so many lives” Jay said putting a hand on mine.

“Yeah and what about the ones I didn’t Jay how do you cope with that” I said. “Think about the people you will save and the lives you’ll change” he said. I teared up. “I just” I said he hugged me tightly. “I know” Jay said. “Hey Halstead we got something” Adam said over the radio.

“Yeah what do you got” Jay said back. “We found the guy Atwater is bringing him in” Adam said. “Copy that” Jay said. “Sorry” I said. “No don’t apologize Elle just know I’m here for you” Jay said. “I appreciate that” I said he smiled.

“Want me to drop you back off at the firehouse” Jay asked. “Yeah that’s fine” I said. We drove back to the firehouse. He parked off to the side in the driveway. “Maybe we can talk later about everything tonight” Jay said. “Ummm.. yeah I’d like that” I said. “So I’ll see you tonight” Jay said. “I’ll see you” I said getting out. I watched as he drove off.

I then walked into the firehouse to see Matt talking to Otis.

“Hey how’d it go” Matt said. “Good I think” I said. “Well you were the right person for it” Matt said. “I’ll go over there I can feel the weirdness” Otis said walking over to the Squad table.

“He’s right there is a weirdness” I said. “Well we did kiss so” Matt said. “Yeah I know but” I said. “There’s always a but” Matt said. “I can’t do that Matt I wouldn’t to Gabby” I said. “And you still love him” Matt said. “I just” I said sighing. “No it’s alright you don’t have to explain yourself” Matt said.

“Well I gotta go take care of some stuff” I said. “Yeah so I’ll see you tonight at Mollys” Matt asked. “Rain check I got somewhere to be” I said. “Holding you to it Voight” Matt said.

Later…

Before I went to see Jay I stopped by the cemetery to see Jimmy. It had been almost seven months since he passed away. So I had brought flowers. Even though it had just began to snow. I knew I had to see him.

I got out of my car and walked over to his grave. They buried him beside his older brother.

“I don’t know how these things work” I said setting the flowers down on his headstone. “But I do know that I forgive you for everything” I said. “And I’ve been trying to forgive myself and it’s hard” I said tearing up. “Everyday I wonder if there was more I could’ve done to protect you” I said.

“You were one of my closest friends and I let you go down this path” I said wiping my tear. “I know I should’ve done more and I’m sorry” I said putting a hand on the headstone. “If your out there somewhere I hope your happier just know I miss you” I said softly. “And that the firehouse isn’t the same without you” I said.

“I really am sorry for being a shitty friend” I said. “Well I should be going but say hi to Justin for me” I said. I then drove away and drove to Jays. I walked up to his apartment and knocked on the door.

“Hey Elena thought we were meeting at Mollys” Jay said. “No I just wanted to stay in if that’s okay” I said. “Sure yeah” he said I walked into his apartment. “Before we talk or say anything I need to tell you something” I said he shut the door.

“What’s up” he said sitting on his couch. “Matt kissed me the other night” I said. “As in Matt Casey” he asked. “Yeah and I don’t feel anything for him I guess seeing you today made me realize” I said. “I’m telling you because I want this to work ,I want us to trust each other” I said.

“I do trust you Elle” he said cupping my cheek. “You know I love you right” I said. “I know” he said. “And Elena… I love you” Jay said. “Yeah” I said. “Yeah I do” he said I kissed him. “So movie night and pizza” Jay said.

“I’m so down for that” I said. “Good and wings I guess because you love them” he said I smiled. “You know me so well” I said.

[tvshowscouples]

If you love Matt&Gabriela (Chicago Fire) and you want reblog or like,this is the link of my reblog couples :)

thank you!

[jerzwriter]

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I felt the need for more art for my precious Casey and Jessica. I'd like to thank the lovely @callmebeem for working with me on such short notice and creating this beautiful art! It's exactly what I wanted, and I love it to bits! ❤️Here's a little fic about their day. 😊

Any Other Day

Book: Open Heart (Prequel - Casey's Med School Years) Pairing: Casey MacTavish (F!MC) x Jessica Philips (F!OC) Words: 1440 Rating: Teen Summary: Jessica's not a fan of Valentine's Day, and she's made that pretty clear, but now that the day's up on them, Casey realizes there's more to it than meets the eye. A/N1: Participating in @choicesfebruary2024, Eros

Valentine’s Day was proving to be a challenge.

Just weeks before, Jessica declared her feelings about the holiday after a particularly long night of studying, and they weren’t pretty.   It was ridiculous, a Hallmark holiday steeped in capitalism, and she wanted no part of it. The intensity and randomness of her girlfriend’s declaration left Casey bewildered. It was so far out of left field she thought delirium may have finally gotten its grips on Jess; after all, sleep deprivation practically had her there, too. But she was tired and eager to move on, so she nodded in agreement, and Jessica seemed pleased to find them on the same page, which would have been great... except they weren’t.

Casey loved Valentine’s Day; she loved every single thing about it. A holiday where she could lavish love and attention on her girlfriend? Where was the problem with that? She agreed such things shouldn’t be limited to a designated day, and she ensured Jess knew how much she meant on any day ending in -y. But now that Cupid’s holiday was here, Casey was conflicted. How could she be expected not to acknowledge it? It seemed cruel, but... she had promised... didn’t she? She heaved out a sigh; perhaps their exceptionally hectic schedules would be her saving grace. She didn’t have to worry about celebrating... or not... if they didn’t see each other.

Jessica was assisting first-year students in distributing breakers in the lab. She was TA for an extra class today, as her professor wanted to take the day off to spend with their wife, and Jess felt a twinge of guilt when she agreed to cover. But she and Casey weren’t celebrating; they agreed to that...didn’t they? Casey said she was on board, but Jess would have to be blind to see how blue her normally effervescent girlfriend was this morning, and she couldn’t fight the feeling that she was the reason why.

The truth was, Jessica didn’t hate Valentine’s Day. She didn’t hate it at all. She hated the memories it dredged up and the feelings of insecurity that followed. She hated the ambiguity of the present and her apprehension about the future. The last time she celebrated was three years before, spending the night gazing at the stars in Ammarah’s arms. She never knew that kind of joy, and when Ammarah promised forever, Jess felt her world falling into place. A blissful dream previously unimagined coming to fruition, only to be crushed in quick succession. When Jess’s competition became the hallowed halls of Oxford, those promises were quickly forgotten, leaving Jess heartbroken when she realized she had never stood a chance.

She promised then and there that she wouldn’t fall in love again, at least no time soon. Ammarah prioritized her career, and now Jess would do the same. Love and other silly notions could wait. And that worked for a while, until that fateful day when an adorable giggle pulled her head from her textbook, and she looked up to find a beguiling smile that made her heart skip a beat. They’d only be friends, Jess insisted. That’s all they could be. But then their conversations lasted into the early morning hours, and the more they learned about each other, the more they needed to know. It's hard to be just friends when they're the first thing you think of each morning and the last thing you think of each night. So she had another idea...we’ll just be friends... with benefits, perhaps, but nothing more. Residency was on the horizon, and both women had been hurt before. They couldn’t let it happen again.  

But in the end, they stepped onto the rollercoaster hand-in-hand and fastened their seatbelts with all their might. Within weeks, “I love yous” were exchanged, both knowing they had an expiration date set from the start. It seemed easy when that date was on the distant horizon, but the closer it came, the more that old familiar pain began to seep in. Valentine’s Day: candles, kisses, and promises made again... Jess couldn’t allow it. But when the bell rang, it only took a student hand a rose to another to make her heart ache for Casey.  

She pulled out her phone and smiled at the sound of her voice. Lunch. She offered. She’d like to take her to lunch. Nothing fancy, nothing special, just grabbing a meal together like any other day, but she needed to see her. No matter how much Jessica studied the human heart, she couldn't see how hard hers was working to protect itself. But Casey was on her way, and that was all that mattered.

Casey hadn’t expected to hear from Jess, and it was easy to see her delight as she rushed down the hall. Nothing made her smile more than Jessica’s melodious laugh, and the closer it became, the more her smile grew.  She couldn’t wait to see the radiant smile that accompanied it, and as she stepped into Jess’s classroom, her wish was granted for just a second before Jess’s face fell.

“What... what the hell is that?” she asked, motioning furiously in Casey’s direction.

Casey looked down, perplexed, rubbing her hands along her torso to see if she had spilled something, but nothing seemed amiss.

“What’s what?”

“Your sweater! Why are you wearing that sweater?”

Casey appeared offended as she caressed her favorite cashmere sweater.

“But... I love this sweater! You love this sweater!”

“I do,” Jess sighed. “But not today!"

“It’s the same sweater as yesterday... the same sweater it will be tomorrow...”

“Yes! But yesterday or tomorrow won’t be Valentine’s Day.”

Casey followed the last student to exit the classroom and shut the door behind her, turning on her heel with crossed arms as soon as they were alone.

“All right,” she demanded. “This level of crazy is usually reserved for me, not you... so what gives?”

“We said no Valentine’s Day, Casey!”

“And besides me wearing a pink sweater, inadvertently, I might add... I haven’t so much as said Happy Valentine’s Day to you.  The holiday isn't causing a problem for us, Jess... but your hang-ups about it might be.  What’s going on?” 

Jess took a deep breath and leaned back against her desk, attempting to put her thoughts into words. “To me... in the past... Valentine’s Day was about promises.  Promises I believed in, even if the person making them took them with a grain of salt.”

“Ammarah?” Casey asked as Jess nodded softly.

“It’s scary, Case. It’s scary to know how fleeting love can be, and it's frightening... it’s frightening to think about what the future holds for us. You’ll still be here next year, but I don’t even know where I’ll be... and that... that just....”

Her words trailed as her head tilted forward. She was proud of herself for being strong enough to stop the tears pooling in her eyes from falling, but she could do nothing to stop herself from trembling.

“Jess,” Casey placed a loving hand on her shoulder. “I know you’ve been hurt, and I have, too... but we can’t live in the past, nor can we live in the future.”

“But, Casey...”

“But nothing! Don’t you see what you’re doing? The past was painful, and the future’s unknown, but you know what we have?” She lifted Jess’s chin until she was looking into her big, brown eyes. “We have today. Today is real, and the only thing that can steal it from us... is us... if we let it.  Come on, Jess,” she smiled, placing a gentle kiss on her lips. “Let’s not waste today."

Jess's head tilted, a crooked smile on her lips. She knew Casey was right, but her stubbornness couldn't be destroyed that easily.

“I still hate the commercialism,” Jess insisted, to Casey’s amusement.

“So do I! Come on, I can spoil you a little bit without turning into a corporate overlord, you know!”

Jess peeked up from under her lashes. “You promise?”

“I promise. Now, can we enjoy the day, please?”

Jess hopped to her feet, a bright grin on her face as she fell into Casey’s arms and a warm, lingering embrace. “Well, I invited you to lunch first... so technically, I started the celebration.”

“Oh, no,” Casey chuckled. “You are not getting the credit here! I think your exact words were, ‘It’s lunch, just lunch, don’t get excited or anything!”  

“Yeah, those were the words,” Jess laughed. “But if I’m being honest... I just really needed to see you. I needed to see you so badly.”

“Well, I’m here.  Can we call it a Valentine’s Day date, now?”

“Sure,” Jess blushed. “But I have to stop upstairs to see the Dean before we go.”

“That works for me,” Casey replied. “I have to put my things in my locker anyway.  Can we meet in front of the building in fifteen minutes?”

Jess reached over and stuck her fingers through the belt loops in Casey’s jeans, pulling her close. “And Casey?” she whispered, her breath tickling Casey’s ear.  “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

~~~~~

A/N: In my mind, Casey tossed her things in her locker and hightailed it to the corner gift shop. Poor Jess was wondering if Casey had a change of heart as she waited outside when two arms grabbed her from behind. Casey handed Jess the bouquet and yelled Happy Valentine's Day. After a cozy lunch at their favorite local diner, they decided they could skip their afternoon classes and headed back to Jess's place for a much more productive afternoon. 😏

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

Tagging others separately.

[grande-caps]

Chicago Fire 12.06 - Port in the Storm

Quality : HD Screencaptures Amount : 1.085 files Resolution : 1.920 x 1.080 px

- Please like/reblog if using

[squadmuse]

ROOM ON THE FOURTH FLOOR

A MATT CASEY X F!READER FIC

A/N: So I did a little something, so here you go Resa @deanstead 😘

A lone figure rushed into the hospital, as if electrified by a current of intense anxiety. Arriving at the hospital’s emergency department, the individual came to an abrupt halt, dripping wet and their eyes scoured the room with panic and worry.

Luckily, the person was not alone. Another lone figure stood behind a desk, and knew exactly who the person was and why they were in the state they were. “Matt!” called the woman, beckoning him forward. Matt ran towards her, placing both his hands upon the reception desk.

“Maggie! Where is she?” rambled Matt to Maggie. “I just got the call-” he started, but Maggie cut him off and did her best to try and calm him down. She was a nurse, and she needed to calm him down now like she would with any other patient or family member.

“She’s okay, Matt! Fourth floor, room 128,” replied Maggie as she watched Matt slowly start to breathe normally once again. “Take the stairs, it’ll be quicker, and good luck.”

Matt nodded, smiling with nervous anticipation. The day had come. Granted it had arrived on the same day he had been stuck out on the Kennedy Expressway with a multi-vehicle accident and fires everywhere from the crashes due to the awful bad weather. He had been lucky that Boden had finally received notification via his radio.

“Thanks, Maggie,” replied Matt with a quick grin before he proceeded to run off in the direction of the stairwell. The nurse shook her head fondly, making note to go up later on.

Even though he was still in his turnout gear, it did not bother or make him any less determined, with Matt taking at least two steps at a time. He had to get there, he could not miss this moment of a lifetime and one he had been waiting for oh so long.

Skidding out onto the fourth floor, Matt frantically looked around for any signs or directions to Room 128. It was just his luck that Dr. Will Halstead was also on the same floor of Chicago Med and instantly noticed the Fire Captain.

“Hey Matt, go left and its near the end of the hallway,” said Will, grinning at his friend. He was extremely excited for his friend today.

Matt nodded. “Thanks!” he replied loudly as he hurried off in that direction. Nurses and doctors recognised him, and let him get to where he was going. They knew what was happening, they knew how important this was.

It didn’t take long for Matt to find the room, 128, and he quickly burst through the door, and it was only then that he knew that he had not missed anything.

“Matt! Oh god, you’re here,” you exclaimed with a yelp, reaching one arm out towards him. Matt instantly ran over and took grasp of it, holding your hand tight within his own.

Matt grinned, his blue eyes wet with unshed tears as he watched your face, much like his own. This was the moment, here on the fourth floor.

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world, sweetheart,” said Matt as he watched your face scrunch up. His heart broke at the sight, and Matt softly brushed the loose hair away from your face.

You couldn’t help the smile on your face, even with the unimaginable pain you were going through. Matt Casey had the ability to make you smile, laugh and feel like everything was going to be okay and feel so utterly loved and empowered.

“Lets have our baby, Matt.”

[ummm-okay]

like when sylvie and casey were playing heads-up on her couch and jesse goes australian

I would kill for a scene where the 118 is joking around and doing mock British accents and then Oliver just speaks in his regular voice

And everyone’s just like

That definitely doesn’t sound British

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

Award Night

luke hughes x actress!reader

note: this was just some fun for myself before i queue my asmr videos for tonight 😀 well ig last night for y'all since im posting this tomorrow.. unless your in like Australia but in that case why are you reading an nhl fic? it must suck to be an abroad fan.. not me (im canadian) but y'all stay safe tho

also giving Priscilla Oscar noms cause this is my au and i get to decide what happens.

also just pretend Luke would be able to go given his schedule thx <3

lily

@/huggy_43

Y/n brought Luke to the OSCARS??!!!?!

taylor @/longlive_ replying to @/huggy_43 she's absolutely gorgeous, and he's.. there

isla @/dunn.29 replying to @/huggy_43 he's so awkward.. i love him

Emma @/draisaitl.29 replying to @/dunn.29 our awkward king!!

jess @/taytayy.89 replying to @/huggy_43 Y/n got lukey a stylist!!

casey @/KCundercover1 replying to @/huggy_43 she's everything and he's just ken

margot @/RobbieShapiro_ replying to @/huggy_43 how even is this man??

sadie @/everythingandthe_sink replying to @/longlive_ lol.

-

casey

@/KCundercover1

she is EVERYTHING.

-

lily

@/huggy_43

LOOK AT THEM!!!

jaden @/iamatwitteruser replying to @/huggy_43 luke is so out of place lol

jamie @/mynameisjamie replying to @/huggy_43 how is it that y/n can be that gorgeous while doing nothing???

julie @/julieandthephantoms replying to @/huggy_43 luke with his arms crossed like a gentlemen 🥰🥰

jessica @/iamjessicabutnotarabbit replying to @/huggy_43 beyond jealous luke gets to sit next to jacob elordi

james @/betty_ily replying to @/iamjessicabutnotarabbit THAT SHOULD BE ME

june @/mynameisamonth replying to @/huggy_43 y/n the perfect side profile comfirmed.

-

lily

@/huggy_43

Y/N WON BEST ACTRESS FOR PRISCILLA!!!!!!

emma @/emmastoneisme replying to @/huggy_43 and she mentioned lily in her speech!!

haley @/bestDunphy replying to @/emmastoneisme what did she say??

emma @/emmastoneisme replying to @/bestDunphy she said "Lily, i share this with you. I share this with all the women in this category

christina @/cardio.god replying to @/huggy_43 she even looks gorgeous when she cries!!!

lavendar @/wonwon_ replying to @/cardio.god the Rachel McAdams of this generation.

ginny @/iopenedthechamber replying to @/huggy_43 what i would give to have been a fly on the wall when jack and quinn found out their little brother pulled Y/N L/N!!!

frankie @/zegras_hughes_11 replying to @/huggy_43 her thanking luke 😭😭

beth @/myrealnameiselizabeth replying to @/zegras_hughes_11 and when the camera showed him 😭😭

tonya @/it_ony_a_movie replying to @/huggy_43 SHE'S AN OSCAR WINNER!!!

jo @/noonewillforgetme replying to @/it_ony_a_movie ...she was already an oscar winner... she got best supporting actress for little women

[jflemings]

— let the light in [p3]

pairing: jessie fleming x reader part 1, part 2

synopsis: you finally let the light in

warnings: depression, talks of suicide, self sabotage if you squint, feelings of shame

as soon as casey gets in her car, jessie runs back into her flat and grabs her keys and phone. she’s got one shoe on and is halfway out the door when she stops herself and turns around, walking towards the shelf next to her couch. she fingers through the small maple leaf trinket tray until she finds the spare key she had forgotten to give back to you, gripping in tightly in her hand as she slips her other shoe on and walks out the door.

she parks her car on the curb and shields her face from the rain that had started on her drive over, cursing herself for wearing a pair of black canada football shorts when a particularly cold gust of wind flows through her.

jessie walks into your building shivering and clutching your spare key in her right hand. she can feel the teeth on the key digging into her palm as she steps into the elevator and presses the button to your floor. shockwaves of nerves hit her almost rhythmically and she has to wipe her sweaty palms on her jumper.

the elevator door opens and in steps shelley, the old woman pushing her glasses up her nose “jessie!” she exclaims before frowning “you coming to see y/n?”

the canadian half shrugs “hopefully”

shelley smiles and pats jessie’s shoulder “it’s good that you’re here” she says as the elevator moves again, stopping at your floor “she needs ya”

all she can do is swallow the lump in her throat and nod once, walking up to your door and knocking twice. she doesn’t get a response, like she knew she wouldn’t, so she knocks again. and again. and again just the way you hate it so hopefully you get out of bed and answer her.

the door cracks slightly and half of your face peers out “jessie you need to leave” you croak.

“no.” she argues much to your surprise “i talked to casey”

she hears you curse under your breath and places a hand on your door “y/n please” she manages to get out before you go to slam the door in her face. she quickly slots her foot in the door and presses harder “you don’t have to let me in, fuck, you don’t even have to talk to me but at least call and let her know you’re not dead” she says harshly, her eyebrows furrowing when you don’t say anything. “your boss was going to call the police to do a welfare check. casey sent me instead”

“i’m fine”

jessie pushes against the door harder, her foot still slotted between the doorframe and the threshold of you apartment "please" she pleads "all I want to do is help you. that's it"

tears well in your eyes at the thought of jessie seeing the state your apartment is in right now. you look behind you pathetically before shaking your head 'jess-"

"it's okay" she cuts you off quietly "you don't have to feel ashamed about it"

you wipe stray tears with the back of your hand "it's really bad" you mumble "I haven't, uhm, been taking very good care of myself"

the canadian pushes the door a little bit more seeing that you've begun to take your weight off it. her face softens "I'm not here to judge you or to make you feel bad for what you're going through. I just wanna help you get back on your feet"

biting your lip, you finally give in. you hang your head in shame as you let jessie slowly push your front door open and into your mess of an apartment. dread overwhelms you when she doesn’t say anything and just looks around, her eyes scanning each nook and cranny of your space before landing back on you.

you can’t — won’t — look her in the eye, choosing to instead pick at your cuticles as you continue to hold the door open. your grip on the handle tightens until your knuckles are white and you can feel more tears begin to stream down your face.

her hand cradles your face and she wipes her thumb under your eye “look at me” she coaxes, ducking her head ever so slightly “you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

you lip quivers as you nod and she removes her hand from your face, returning them to her sides. you push the door close and lean against it watching she jessie’s hands flex at her side. the two of you stand opposite eachother for a few moments before she reaches for you and you fall into her arms sobbing.

“i-i’m so sorry”

jessie’s hand runs up and down your back “i told you—”

“no i’m sorry for not telling you. i’m sorry for shutting you out” you cry as she places a hand on top of your head “i thought i was doing what was best for you”

jessie stays quiet as sobs wrack your body, tears begin to form in her own eyes at the thought of you putting her first when you were the one that needed help. she was angry, so angry, with herself for letting you do that. for letting you walk out of her apartment that day.

you grip the back of her jumper tightly “i wanted to push you away before… before you realised that i was too hard to love”

“never” jessie says confidently and sternly, pulling you out of her shoulder so she can look at you “never. you are never too hard to love”

“you haven’t seen the worst of it jessie. i don’t eat, i either sleep all day or not at all, my place is a fucking pigsty and i barely have the energy to shower!” you push her hands off frustratedly “does that sound like someone who’s easy to love”

“it sounds like someone who needs some love” she says softly.

you pause and the tension eases from your face. your fingers twitch where they’re holding jessie’s wrist and you look up at your ceiling, blinking away tears.

she takes your hands in her own “c’mon, i’ll run you a hot bath”

you let jessie lead you to your ensuite and cringe at the state of your room but she doesn’t even spare the mess a glance. instead she turns on the bath, finds you a clean towel and some clean clothes and urges you to get in. you get undressed slowly, suddenly feeling very exposed as she grabs the shampoo and conditioner out of your shower.

the water is steaming when you get in and you immediately relax at the comforting feeling. sighing, you duck your head under the water and resurface to find jessie sitting on the ground, one arm leaning on the bath. you turn the tap off once you’re sure the bath is full enough.

“do you want me to wash your hair?”

“yes please”

jessie gets you to turn around and lathers shampoo into your hair, massaging your scalp and dragging the remaining shampoo down to your ends. she then gets you to duck your hair back under the water as she sits up on her knees, looming over you so she can rinse it all out. next, the canadian grabs a comb from under your sink and applies a generous amount of conditioner to your hair, rubbing it in and beginning to gently detangle the knots.

for the most part the room is silent except for the sound the water makes when you move. you close your eyes and allow yourself to be enveloped in the feeling of jessie’s hands running through your hair once again “jess”

jessie hums from behind you, the comb still threading through your ends.

“you- uhm, you saved my life. when we met”

jessie stops momentarily to look over your shoulder at you “what do you mean?”

“i was only at the coffee shop because my machine broke that morning” you sigh, suddenly afraid that you shouldn’t be telling her this. “i had been giving away my stuff for weeks beforehand because i picked out a day to… to end my life”

the canadian stops combing through your hair and you hear the piece of plastic be placed onto the tiles. jessie tucks your wet hair behind your ear and slightly pushes your shoulders so you turn to face her. you cover yourself by bringing your knees to your chest as she leans on the edge of the bath again, urging you to continue.

“i had a note written and the things i had left were organised for when my apartment was going to be cleared out. i had planned to go back to home and take my own life, but then you invited me to sit down and we talked, and you said that you wanted to see me again.” you cock your head, your voice shaky as you continue “and i never told you, swore that i never would, because that’s a lot of responsibility to have, to be the reason that someone didn’t kill themselves and to be honest i don’t even know why i’m telling you this because it’s nothing you actually need to know an—”

“y/n” jessie cuts off your face paced, run-on rambling softly, putting her hand on your knee “breathe”

you take a few deep breaths “i’m sorry. that’s a lot”

“not for me” she whispers “it’s never a lot for me”

“please stop saying never” you whisper breathlessly “that’s a big thing to say”

“i don’t care” she tells you “i’m being honest with you. you have never been to hard to love, or too much. you are the easiest person to love, and there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for you” she pauses to stroke your cheek “except help plan your funeral” she says sadly, swiping under your eyes again “please don’t make me do that for you.”

you nod and hold onto her hand that’s resting on your cheek “i won’t”

jessie places a firm kiss on your forehead and then stands “if you need me i’ll be right outside, okay? i’m gonna shut the door to give you some privacy but just call if you need anything”

“okay” you mumble as she smiles and shuts the door, leaving you to make ripples in the water.

as soon as jessie shuts the bathroom door she’s opening your curtains and stripping your bed. she pulls off the covers and pillow cases and then picks up all the clothes off your floor, stuffing them into the duvet cover before throwing it onto your stopped bed. she takes all the dirty dishes out to the kitchen, setting them down before looking under the sink for your cleaning supplies. retreating back to your bedroom, she makes quick work of wiping down all the surfaces and putting things back where she knows they belong. she sprays, wipes and dusts everything in her sight, not once slowing down.

part of her thinks she’s going so fast because she’s so angry at the world. she’s angry because you are the best person she’s ever met, the love of her life, and the world has let you feel as though you were nothing. the midfielder doesn’t let up her cleaning as she grabs all the rubbish that’s accumulated in your bin, throwing it in a plastic bag near by.

she takes the rubbish out to the kitchen and the duvet of dirty laundry into your small laundry closet before grabbing you some fresh sheets. she makes your bed and fluffs your pillows, only satisfied when it looks perfect. jessie vacuums every inch of floor in your room until she is satisfied, nodding her head once before moving out to the kitchen and living room.

she sets the vacuum aside and loads your dishwasher up, choosing to hand wash whatever dishes don’t fit. anything she can’t scrub clean gets chucked out and she reminds herself to take you shopping to replace it. she fills up another trash bag full of rubbish before she completely unloads your fridge and wipes it down so the lingering smell of off food wont hit you when you open it. when she realises just how much food she’s had to throw out, she pulls out her phone and opens her notes app to start a checklist of things she has to do.

☐ buy new plates

☐ go grocery shopping

☐ new bed sheets

satisfied with her list for the moment, she pockets her phone and moves to the pantry, turning to get retrieve her cleaning cloth when she sees you standing in the hallway. you’re dressed in her chelsea jumper from last season and a pair of black cotton shorts, your damp hair tucked behind your ears as you stare at her wide eyed.

“jessie”

the canadian shakes her head “i told you, i’m here to help. let me help”

“you don’t have to though” you attempt to reason with her, your eyes darting around your suddenly clean kitchen.

jessie rounds the kitchen island to you and grabs your elbow “i want to”

“thank you” you kiss her cheek “i’ll do the pantry”

jessie nods as you open the doors and grab a rubbish bag, cringing as you check the expiry dates on things before tossing them. she grabs the vacuum and does the kitchen floor before doing the rug in your living room, picking up things as she goes and putting them in her rightful place.

she can’t help but spare glances at you as she does. the sight of you clean and up and moving makes her smile slightly knowing that you haven’t been. your cheeks are tear stained and you sniffle every so often, but you continue to clean. you put away the dishes that aren’t in the dishwasher and you throw dirty kitchen towels aside to be washed, you spray and wipe down the benches before tossing another half full bag of rubbish on the pile that’s accumulating by the door.

jessie stops vacuuming in favour of dusting. she does the coffee table, the tv cabinet and the windowsill before moving over to your bookshelf. the trinkets that litter it get cleaned delicately, each and every one not getting put back onto the shelf until jessie is sure they’re free of dust.

she smiles at the things that she got you still being displayed. a picture of the two of you at christmas, a ceramic koala she got you during the world cup, a snow globe that she got from a gift shop in toronto, your polaroid camera and the photo you took of her when you first got it. little items that all played a part in your relationship, each one holding a little story that made up your big one.

the spare key she still hasn’t given back burns a hole in her pocket and she’s suddenly reminded of the fact that the two of you are in fact not together.

a frown flashes across her face before you walk over to her. you tilt your head and adjust the position of the koala slightly before grazing your fingers over the books on your shelf. jessie fishes out the key from her pocket and hands it to you “i forgot to give you this when—” she interrupts herself “before.”

you look between her and the key that she’s trying to give back to you. you pause for a moment before clasping her hand around it “keep it”

“i didn’t come here to try to pressure you into getting back with me” jessie tries to tell you.

“i know but i want you to keep it. it’s yours”

jessie’s heart flutters as she puts the key back in her pocket. you nod you head to the couch and sit down, patting the spot beside you wordlessly. jessie sits next to you and you lace your fingers together.

“it’s hard jess, loving someone with mental illness. it can be really draining” you explain softly “wherever we go from here, that’s up to you. i’m going to have bad days, and sometimes i’m going to get so far in my own head that i can’t pull myself back out” you squeeze her hand and your eyes soften the way they do when you look at jessie.

“i know” she tells you, wearing an identical look to yours “but i’m not fucking around. you are the easiest person to love, and i am more than willing to do it for the rest of my life”

“that’s not something to say lightly jess”

“i know. i’m just being honest” she shrugs slightly “please”

you purse your lips to suppress a smile “okay”

jessie’s face splits into a grin and she kisses your cheek quickly, watching you drown as you roll your eyes and grasp the side of her face. your thumb stokes her cheekbone as you kiss her softly and slowly. it reminds her of the first time you kissed, you saw how nervous she was when dropping you home after your third date and you rolled your eyes and leant over her centre console, grasping her cheek and pausing before letting your lips meet her own softly.

she had gone to bed giddy that night, the butterflies not subsiding even when she went to training the next day.

similarly to then, butterflies erupt in her stomach and flutter all through her insides. “i want you to tell me when you feel like this, even if you think you’ve got it handled. it doesn’t matter if you think it’s too much, all i ask is that you don’t bottle it up”

“i’m going to start seeing my therapist again”

“and that’s good, but i don’t want you walking around thinking you have to do it on your own because you don’t. you’ve never had to” she squeezes your hand and you squeeze hers back just as tight.

“okay” you nod “i promise”

jessie smiles and kisses you again.

“c’mon” you say before standing “the rubbish needs to be put out and then i need to find something that can be eaten for dinner”

“we’ll order in. thai sound good to you?”

your eyes soften “thai sounds great”